youre lurking in front of me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
