you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
