Well apparently he's into motor boating.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
