I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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