This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
