You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
