just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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