the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
