remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are the jesus of drinking
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
