I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
