why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
