He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
