Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
