I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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