Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
