Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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