I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
