I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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