WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
