If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
