Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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