I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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