Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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