The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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