Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
