In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
