There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
