First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
only you would photoshop your dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
