Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
