Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
