I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
