I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
