we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
