Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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