your thong is hanging out like whoa
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
