Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
