i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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