Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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