im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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