I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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