WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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