I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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