I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
