He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
