I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
