We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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