So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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