Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
