Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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