If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
