you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
