dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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