if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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