he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
