Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
