I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
