Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
