you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
