you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
