I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
