First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
