Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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