Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
