If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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