just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
