broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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