Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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