i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
