my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
