they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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