I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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