I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
