I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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