I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Fuck appropriateness.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
