Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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