no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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